How to Spot a Psychopath

Herewith, selected thoughts on finally getting around to watch "Doomsday". It's Neil Marshall's third big movie; he also did The Descent and Dog Soldiers.

In brief: Yes, this is indeed total nonsense, but awesome!

Some minor spoilers follow.

Righto, I'm watching a plague movie. Mmm, splatter!

Oh, no - this is Escape from New York, obviously.

I suppose if everything's going to hell, it's not a bad idea to have a genetically enhanced Prime Minister. (Could be better, could be worse.)

No, wait - now I'm watching Aliens.

No, no, hang on - it's Beyond Thunderdome. Leathers and feathers all over the shop.

I don't care what you say - I'll put Scottish post-apocalyptic lunatics up against the post-apocalyptic lunatics of any other nation you care to name.

When you see a bloke with a big dangly punk face decoration and you think, "you're not living in a society where hanging a handle off your face is a good idea, mate", and later on you're proven to be exactly right? Nice.

Honestly, I could go a bit of long pig right now. Yum.

As long as you're not trying to make Great Art, casting stunt-people in primary roles is an excellent idea.

OK, I'm officially shutting down my Nitpicking Cortex now. What I just saw were special post-apocalypse trail bikes, which are completely inaudible until they're six feet behind you. And it turns out to take about three seconds to get a steam locomotive going. And it's been a generation since anybody around here saw a dentist, but they've all got great teeth. And nobody knows how to make a crystal radio any more. And spy satellites will only spot the occasional individual wandering around, even if giant open-air cannibal raves are happening every night.

OK, really stopping with the nitpicks now.

Right, that's it, this whole movie has just been made worthwhile by its inclusion of a Flanders and Swann reference! "PEOPLE HAVE ALWAYS EATEN PEOPLE"!

Craig Conway's deranged yelling skills were clearly wasted when he was a mere, short-lived, "Camper" in Dog Soldiers.

I often, while watching movies, say "there's something you don't see every day". It's great when someone on-screen says it too.

"Gift Shop" is hilarious.

Remember - when you hire Tim Curry, Brian Blessed or Malcolm McDowell, you get the beard for free!

Tough guys don't use Desert Eagles. They use Webleys.

I just saw a man get knocked out with a pheasant.

Since we all know fighter jets will still be functional after a thousand years of neglect, 25 years for a footballers' car is obviously no problem at all.

Good lord, now we're back to Mad Max again, except with a Frankie soundtrack. And there's a spiky Mark II Jag. And a black cab.

I'm surprised that this is the first time something exploded when it crashed. Oh, and there's the second time.

Ooh, that'll be the third.

Seven out of ten.

A while ago, it came to my attention that there are people in the world who have not seen They Live.

This is understandable. They Live can sneak past you. It looks as if it ought to be a really, really terrible movie.

I mean, Roddy Piper is the 80's sci-fi leading man you hire when you can't afford Kurt Russell. And They Live shows on TV in terrible-movie timeslots. And a precis of the plot could easily leave you with the conclusion that the movie is just a Twilight Zone episode padded out to ninety minutes.

And a lot of its fans only seem to remember the big fight scene, and a quote involving bubble gum.

But They Live is actually pretty freakin' awesome. If you have not seen it, I really must insist that you do.

This subject came up on the excellent, though not terribly well confined to its stated purpose, Skeptic discussion list. Someone mentioned that if you like one sci-fi B movie with Roddy Piper in it, you'd better see another - namely, Hell Comes To Frogtown.

I have now seen that second film.

At first glance, Frogtown appears to have all of the same problems as They Live.

And at second, third and all subsequent glances... it still does. It's terrible. But quite funny.

Frogtown also continues the sterling reputation of the amazingly popular Vasquez Rocks shooting location. If you visit Vasquez Rocks and don't see a starship's away team and/or someone having an unconvincing fistfight with a man in a reptile suit, I think you may justifiably demand monetary compensation from the government.

I think I may manage to survive without seeing Frogtown's several inexplicable sequels, though. This despite the fact that, in the first sequel, the Roddy Piper role is reprised by the inimitable - and I use the word advisedly - Robert Z'Dar.