"Don't smoke in a crowd. Coats are expensive."

I just got around to watching Tuesday's Daily Show, and realised that obviously, the Japanese public-etiquette signs David Sedaris mentioned would be on Flickr.

And yes, here they are!

Japanese sign.

Japanese sign.

Japanese sign.

Japanese sign.

Japanese sign.

Japanese sign.

Click through for the full-size, legible version of this last collection. I am mystified by the bottom-right one - "Posters saying 'Don't litter with cigarette butts' are like children scolding adults with paintbrushes."

Perhaps it would be clearer to me if I could read Japanese, or had at some point been scolded by a child with a paintbrush.

Inside the AMXD

A company called Omni Consumer Products Medical Systems makes a product called the Advanced Mission Extender Device, or AMXD, for military aerospace applications.

At a glance, you'd think such a thing might be an external fuel tank or something. But it's actually, as anybody who's been reading recent News of the Weird coverage already knows, a bag for fighter pilots and the like to wee in.

OK, fair enough. Both male and female military aviators may find themselves strapped firmly into a seat for many, many hours, and coming up with a thing that both sexes can pee in when necessary during those hours, other than a big squishy horrible adult nappy, is not an easy task.

And the result has been the AMXD, which apparently carries a price tag of $US2000 per unit.

I was interested to see what the USAF and other worthies were actually getting for their money, and was pleased to discover that the AMXD manual is available for free download (PDF here).

The AMXD is so much more than a mere pee-bottle or Texas catheter.

It has a rechargeable battery (with the option of AAA alkalines)! A liquid crystal display! An inflatable cup and a "Female Pad" that's half sanitary napkin, half vacuum-cleaner attachment!

It even comes with special underpants - and male users can choose boxers or briefs!

The AMXD truly is a device with which no military-equiment aficionado should be unfamiliar.

Read the manual now, so you'll know how to work it when someone adds it to Falcon 4.0 or X-Plane. Surplus units will obviously soon be a must for the real-time simmer!

Are you suffering from Cyborg Pattern Baldness?

The Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions of Enemy Territory: Quake Wars are coming out in a few weeks. They're advertised by a new, and surprisingly amusing, promotional-movie blitz.

(Note also the boring old site at enemyterritory.com.)

These clips are not, I'm sorry to say, up there with the simply fantastic Team Fortress 2 "Meet The..." series. But they still definitely have their moments.

The above embeddable video thingy (which, if you're reading this long after I wrote it, has probably disappeared) at the moment only lets you view one of the videos and then makes you click through to stroyent.com. And even the one easily-seen video is only available in crappy-res.

So here is the Gamershell download page for that first video. The file is available on umpteen other download sites too, of course.

And here's a YouTube version of the first video, in case the above one doesn't work:

There's also an officially-uploaded-by Activision version here, but they decided to disable embedding for it, because they'd like fewer people to see it, or something.

OK. Here's the next clip:

(Official Activision YouTube version here, downloadable version here.)

And finally, here's the main promo video for the game, which applies to the PC version as much as it does to the console ones:

(Official un-embeddable YouTube version here; GamersHell download version here.)

This main clip is called "Monster Truck Style", for fairly obvious reasons. But this close-miked presentation now, inescapably, makes me think of the Brawndo commercials (and yes, I know).

ETQW itself is, when you actually play it, only mildly silly. It's a pretty straightforward team-on-team game, obviously descended from its interesting predecessor. It's got a good amount of class variation, plus vehicles, to appeal to the Battlefield Whatever crowd.

I've never played Team Fortress 2 - sorry, not enough hours in the day. I'm sure people will still be playing it a couple of years from now, so there's no great rush. Besides, I haven't quite finished with Tribes 2. But I'm still perfectly ready to believe that TF2 is the current king of the team-on-team genre. A million dorks can't be wrong.

ETQW, though, has distinctly different teams, rather than the different-only-in-colour teams of TF2. It also has vehicles, and slightly, but significantly, lower hardware requirements. So I'd say it's well worth picking up the ETQW demo to see if you like it, even if you're already nursing a TF2 habit.

Now do "Star Trek", Mr Mittens!

Yep, it's a cat playing a theremin (via).

[UPDATE: It's become a fad!]

This theremin has what sounds like a pretty nasty Stylophone sawtooth waveform, as opposed to the classic, more mellow, otherworldly-violin...

...but it's a theremin nonetheless.

Musical cats do not, of course, usually show any awareness that there's a connection between what they're doing and the noises that're being made. The cat walks down the piano because that's how you get to the windowsill; the cat plays the theremin because it enjoys bopping the interesting springy wire.

(Oo! Bill-Bailey-narrated theremin documentary {via}! See also the film documentary Theremin - An Electronic Odyssey.)

But wait! There's more!

Just when I thought that the guy who

1: threatened to sue me when I cancelled his eBay listings which featured pictures ripped off from my review of the ETime Home Endoscope
2: declared that it didn't matter, because the endoscopes "break down all the time" so he didn't care about not being able to sell them
3: cussed me out in comments on that post, registering two abusively-named commenter accounts to do so
4: created a whole BLOG dedicated to abusing me, the regrettably-no-longer-existent dansdataisanarrogantwanker.blogspot.com
5: took pictures of himself sticking the ETime product up his bare bottom (NSFW picture archived here!), text in which declared "This is Dan testing out the new pencam! I love it up my ass!"
6: then gave up and actually took his own damn pictures of the product in question like he should have in the first place, for some reason now not featuring his bare bottom, and resumed selling ETime products on eBay as if nothing had happened

had ceased to provide me with amusement, this turned up:

From: Wayne
To: Dan <dan@dansdata.com>
Subject: advertising

Dan,
I hope to put the past behind and ask how much it would cost to advertise our ehe pencams listings on your pencam review page?
( link to our ebay store )
http://stores.ebay.com/endoscopes-endoscopy-borescopes

I can pay by paypal.com

Please advise

Sincerely,
Wayne

Well, gee, I don't know.

What do you think, faithful readers? Does Wayne strike you as the kind of solid, ethical businessman I should be advertising?

I mean, you'd all be fine with buying stuff from him, right?

Takin Suckaz Assets

I'm probably the last person in the world to discover this, but the TSA Gangstaz music video is, I'm given to understand the kids today are saying, da bomb.

NOTE: Naughty NSFW dirty offensive words!

And now, Why I Wrote This Song, by the rather Jewish perpetrator, Zach Selwyn:

There haven't actually been all that many responses so far, but this one right here is perfectly awesome.

(Via.)

Web security through threats of violence

The Daily WTF just ran a story about a company that sells listings in one of those highly questionable "business directories", and has a Web site with hilariously poor security.

(Hint: If you want to "password protect" a Web page, don't put the hard-coded username and password in the source code of the login page. Oh, and don't put the URL of the otherwise wide-open "protected" page in plaintext in the source either, or people - by which I mean, "bright eight-year-olds, or unusually well-trained monkeys" - may just copy and paste that URL to their browser's address bar.)

So far, so unremarkable.

But you need go no further than the Featured Comments below the story to find the start of a good old-fashioned Internet flameout by the owners of the site.

How dare you "hack" our site, this directory is our livelihood and we forbid you to say you think it's overpriced, we know where you live you druggie bitches, et cetera.

If you like this sort of thing, then this is the sort of thing you will like.

It is... the FORBIDDEN link!

Australia is not alone in having some pretty hilarious copyright laws. But the Australian Copyright Council site presents some quaint little variations on the common themes which have just given me considerable entertainment.

The ACC's a non-profit company, largely government funded, whose purpose it is to provide Aussies with advice about our somewhat dotty local copyright laws. Their information sheet on "home taping" (the Australian government hasn't quite noticed hard disk video recorders yet) is about as straightforward as I reckon it could be (PDF here). It makes clear that the ACC's as bewildered by the current legislation's weirdness as all the rest of us. Fair enough.

But that weirdness seems to be leaking out, into the ACC's own brains.

I can't really say I'm surprised. Get this, for instance:

Here in Australia, it is currently legal to make exactly one backup copy of software which you have purchased, as long as there's no copy protection on that software, because Australia now has DMCA-ish anti-circumvention laws.

So far, so (relatively) sane.

But you're not allowed to back up anything but the actual program files.

To quote the Australian Copyright Council Information Sheet on that subject (PDF here), "you would be entitled to make a backup copy of a disk or CD-ROM that only contained computer software, but not a disk or CD-ROM that included other copyright material, such as a computer game, music, text or images" (emphasis mine).

So, apparently, you can copy anything that ends in .exe or .com off your program disc... but nothing else. Not even the readme file.

Which means, going by what they seem to be quite clearly saying, you can't actually make any kind of real backup of something like a game disc, which these days is likely to contain only a few per cent of executable code by volume, the rest being taken up by the all-important graphics and sound data, without which the game will not work.

Actually, it's likely to be impossible to legally back up anything but the installer program on most game discs, since the rest of their content is likely to be a few giant compressed files containing all of the stuff which the installer unpacks and copies to your hard drive. Some will be "software" by the copyright-law definition; most will be "other copyright material", and you probably can't separate them. Not that it'd be worth doing if you could.

Thinking about this sort of thing on a day-to-day basis appears, as I said, to have affected the Australian Copyright Council's grip on reality.

I base this assessment on the fact that they forbid the world to directly link to any of their information sheets, or apparently even to any of their Web pages, unless you ask first.

So, because I'm sad to say I neglected to ask them (what if they said no?!), I was not in fact allowed to do this. Or indeed even link, without asking, to the page that forbids you to link to pages without asking.

People all over the world have been laughing about stupid linking policies since long before the Stupid Linking Policies site was established in 2002, but the darn things just keep popping up. They're legally ridiculous and don't even serve a social function, since anybody can tell in a matter of seconds who's linked to them (well, as long as someone's clicked the link) by just looking at their server logs, or using Google Analytics or any of a zillion other Web stats services. So you don't even need to put a "if you link to me, please send me an e-mail" note on your site, much less angrily FORBID people to link to you unless you've explicitly permitted it.

You're also, by the way, not allowed to print more than one copy of any of the ACC's documents, without asking them for permission.

So if you print a copy and lose it, remember to ask before printing another one!

I suppose this is marginally better than the companies that refuse the world permission, under any circumstances, to link to all but one of the various pages which they carefully and deliberately made available for the world to see on the Web server they carefully and deliberately connected to the Internet, and didn't even "protect" with a cockamamie page of legalese with an "I agree" tickbox at the bottom.

(It is, of course, also easy to make your Web server refuse deep links. If you don't, then I suggest that you must not actually be terribly serious about FORBIDDING them, no matter how many capital letters you use).

But the Australian Copyright Council are supposed to be staffed by "experienced specialist" intellectual property lawyers. And yet here they are pretending that it's possible to forbid people with whom they have no contractual relationship at all from downloading a file from their Web server without clicking through from the front page.

(And they've been doing it since 2006. Back then they said "Please ask us before linking to this website so that we can tell you about our URL and descriptors policy". That's less rude, but no less dumb.)

If someone's harvesting content from your site and presenting it as their own, or hotlinking your images, or even just framing your whole site within their own (has anybody actually done that since, like, 1998?) then you have grounds for complaint, at the very least.

But "link policies" are like putting a statue in your front yard and then telling passers-by to sign a contract before they look at it.

My advice to people considering a linking policy: Mix it up a little. How about forbidding people from viewing your source code, linking to any page on your site or even mentioning that your site exists?

Awesome!