Essential viewing update

The cool kids appear to have moved on from the separate season torrents for The Secret Life Of Machines/The Office (previously), and are now sharing an all-in-one torrent. You can get it, for instance, here. If that one's dead now, hit ScrapeTorrent or something to find it.

The all-in-one torrent contains the exact same video files, so there's nothing new to see here if you've got these ordinary-but-watchable rips already. If you're at 86% on one of the other series and are wondering what happened to all the seeds, though, here's your answer.

And now, more lies

Thanks to a reader, I now know the solution to all of the world's energy problems!

Well, actually I don't, because I didn't watch the whole thing.

I watched a few minutes, though, because you have to wait that long before the talking head gets around to saying the name of the company. But then there it is - "Better World Technologies", your gateway to the long-running scams of Dennis Lee.

Even the people who believe these kinds of stories don't believe Dennis, since he's been promising real working free-energy machines to people who stump up money to reserve one for at least the last ten years. He has, of course, not delivered. But he's taken a lot more deposits.

Anybody's welcome, no matter how close they are to the breadline. Basic "sign up" fees are five to twenty bucks US - well within the reach of people poor enough that electricity bills are a problem for them.

It is, of course, usually easier to take money from the poor than from the rich. Poor people are less educated, less connected, more desperate, and what're they gonna do about it, anyway - hire a lawyer?

You just have to be the kind of guy who can stomach making a living that way.

(See also the end of this column.)

Aspiring scammer seeks similar

I just received this via e-mail:

Dear Sir/Madam,
We are a Spanish company and we would be interested in your Batterylife AG for its sale and distribution in Spain and Portugal.
In the first buy, we are interested in 500 or 1000 pcs.
Please, be contacted by me in soporte@anunciae.com
Thank you very much for your attention.
Alvaro Fernandez-Arroyo
Anunciae.com

It's kind of like when that Nigerian dude wanted to buy CPUs from me that I made up for a joke. Only the Batterylife Activator actually exists. It's just that it, you know, doesn't work, as a quite superficial reading of my review would reveal.

Alvaro is, alas, not only asking the wrong guy to sell him worthless battery enhancing stickers, but also kind of late to the party. The Batterylife Activator no longer appears to be on sale.

I'm also happy to say that Batterylife AG, in general, appear to 'ave run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible, even though that means all of those convincing university test results they promised to send me back in 2005 will now, I fear, never arrive.

Their German and Australian sites are both now toast. Archive.org reckons the main site stopped responding to hails in April, 2006.

(The good folk at BatMax still appear to be selling their superficially identical product, though.)

This archived copy of the batterylife.com.au page not only links to my review - which might perhaps have something to do with why they went out of business - but also still allows you to download a video clip from the "Sunrise" show on Channel 7 here in Australia. In it, you can witness the magnificence that is Peter Blasina, The Man Who Recommends Everything And Is, As A Result, Much Better Off Than Me, Or Indeed Than He Himself Was Back When I Knew Him And He Was Running A Video Camera Magazine With Some Sort Of Journalistic Integrity.

Peter is, of course, heartily recommending the Batterylife stickers, on behalf of batterylife.com.au and another outfit that's now gone.

I hope their cheque cleared before they went broke, Pete!

Domestic Alternative Power Options That Don't Work

When we were house-hunting, one of our options had an honest-to-goodness stream flowing in the front yard. The driveway and front path had little bridges. It was awesome.

(But too far from the shops.)

That house popped into my mind when I read about the new Beck Mickle water generator that will, according to its makers, give useful power from the babbling brook in your back yard. Let's assume that you have both a yard and a brook, for the purposes of this argument.

The Beck Mickle Hydro site doesn't have much information yet, but that's OK, because the outer bounds of the system's efficiency are already defined. Quite simple physics tells us the theoretical maximum amount of energy that can be derived from X much water per second dropping distance Y. You can read all about the equation involved in various places; here, for instance, or this PDF for a fancier version.

The big deal about the Beck Mickle generator is supposed to be that it works from very small "heads" - a very small amount of "fall" for the water. There's no problem factoring that into the equation, though; you can just ignore the usual few-feet head that's the minimum (and a major limiting factor) for most "micro-hydro" systems. They have that head limit because we don't live in Physics Experiment Land; inadequate head means the efficiency of the system will fall vastly, possibly even to zero, as the water just doesn't have enough energy to get the generator turning. The Beck Mickle thing is apparently easier to turn. Groovy.

Let's assume the Beck Mickle system really does work just fine from a miserable eight inch head, and let's further be insanely generous and assume it is 100% efficient at turning water energy into electricity (versus the 55% efficiency that's common in current systems).

How much flow would you, then, actually need to achieve the one kilowatt output talked about in the Daily Mail piece?

Well, the equation [New! Improved! Actually correct now!] is Gross Head (in metres) times Flow (in cubic metres per second) times System Efficiency (decimal equivalent, where 100% equals 1) times a constant (9.81 in this case, the acceleration due to gravity in metres per second squared; it's a less neat number if you do the calculation in units other than metric) times the density of water (1000 in this case, because that's the number of kilograms in a cubic metre of water) equals Power (in watts).

(The oregon.gov page I mention above simplifies the equation by giving results in kilowatts and leaving out the water-density figure. I screwed up the first time I worked it out here, using their version of the equation but imagining power was still in watts.)

Assuming you've got a 60 centimetre head - three times the alleged minimum for the system - solving for Flow gives

0.6 * Flow * 1 * 9.81 * 1000 = 1000

So: Flow * 5886 = 1000

And thus: Flow = 0.17 cubic metres per second.

That's quite a lot [though not nearly as much as I thought it was when I had it wrong].

An Olympic swimming pool holds about 2500 cubic metres. You'd have one of those coursing through your back garden every 15 seconds every four hours or so, which isn't quite as spectacular as I first thought, but is still a bit speedy.

(I don't know how many Libraries of Congress per second that is.)

To pay for itself in the quoted two years, at standard UK electricity prices of around ten pence per kilowatt-hour, this £2,000 generator would indeed have to deliver the quoted 28 or so kilowatt-hours per day - even more than a thousand watts of constant power - in order to break even in two years. And that's assuming that it doesn't need any expensive repairs, which would both increase the price and reduce its generating hours.

(Curse my cynical mind for thinking that a v1.0 product might not last for two years just because it is (a) constantly rotating and (b) constantly wet.)

When I had the calculation wrong, I thought the claimed results were utterly ludicrous. Now that I've got it right (thanks, nichyoung!) it's less ridiculous; this thing actually could make worthwhile power, if (a) it works as advertised and (b) you have a decent little stream to put it in.

Of course, it's still unquestionably not actually going to be very close to 100% efficient. Advanced water turbines can manage 80%; backyard hackers are lucky to crack 50%. But, still, could be worth it.

Another reason why this story caught my eye is because, apart from being based on a different element, the claims made for the domestic waterwheels generator sound very much like the claims made for small wind generators.

Small wind turbines look pretty impressive, until you discover that the unremarkable-sounding wind speeds needed for them to start generating properly are actually, often, Beaufort Force Six. The hardy maritime types who came up with that scale may only call Force Six a "Strong Breeze", but it's actually Strong enough that, if it's raining, you may do better to not bother trying to open your umbrella. Few residential areas have Strong Breezes much of the time, because people try not to build towns in places like that.

Awesome dude Tim Hunkin has something to say about all this.

If you actually want to get reasonable power from a wind generator in "normal" winds, you need something like a twenty foot turbine eighty feet up in the air. From that, you will genuinely be able to get a kilowatt of power on pretty much any day when there's what a city dweller would call a breeze, and you'll get a reasonably reliable 2kW or more if you live somewhere more windy, but not startlingly so.

But if you've got a Neighborhood Association, they will not like it.

Balderdash of the day

I've just had digestion of my Christmas lunch interrupted by discovery of the Nordost VIDAR, a "cable conditioning" device.

You plug audio cables into it and it, um, conditions them.

Apparently it's been around for a few years now.

According to the ad in the newspaper gadget supplement in which I found it, "both new and used cables often have very high levels of electrical charge which must be neutralised if they are ever to achieve their maximum performance".

(Apparently this very high charge level, which comes from nowhere, has not yet been tapped as a source of environmentally friendly power.)

You can read more about it from some happy believers here.

The newspaper ad was from this outfit, who are happy to take $AU25 from anybody dumb enough to want their cables "conditioned". They're audacious enough to suggest that cables need to be regularly reconditioned, too. There's some really choice stuff on their site.

Every single claim made for this device is utter nonsense.

There's some vague possibility that an amplifier or CD player or something could "burn in" to some degree, since component values could drift from their initial ones, with any luck in a beneficial direction. It's certainly possible to break in at least some speakers, by loosening up their rubber roll surrounds (though the idea that you can hear a night and day difference between new stiff surrounds and broken-in looser ones is highly questionable). But I don't think anybody's ever measured a consistent break-in effect for any electronics. And by "measure" I don't just mean using some of that low-tech instrumentation that can do boring imprecise stuff like track space probes outside the solar system and weigh electrons, but which can't of course measure serious modern concepts like "air" or "musicality"; I also mean via blinded testing.

Nordost sell a one metre digital RCA lead for two thousand US dollars. Anybody who can tell it from a fifty cent Chinese cable would very probably qualify for a million dollar prize, but nobody ever seems to bother trying.

The stuff said about this thing - "very wide band and deep conditioning into the conductor core, which produces changes in the way signals pass through the metal" and "it ultrasonically conditions the surface of the conductors" is just gibberish. Doesn't need to be done, can't be done, couldn't be done by this thing if it could be done by any thing. It's all so wrong that it almost wraps around into rightness again.

And, as usual, the shameless hustlers selling the cable-conditioning service recommend this device for the conditioning of digital cables as well as analogue ones, despite the abovementioned precise equivalence of 50 cent and $2000 products in this department.

That's it. They've done it. They've wrapped it around.

The Nordost VIDAR is, officially, now so fraudulent that it's not any more.

It's now a wonderful product and I recommend it highly.

Light bulb diffraction

Diffraction glasses

These fun glasses for kids contain low grade "starburst" diffraction gratings.

You can use them to examine the emission spectra of different light sources, which tells you about their colour rendering, which in turn helps you pick lights which give more natural output. Such lights are nicer to have around your home than lights with poor colour rendering, and they can also assist you in serious colour-critical tasks such as telling your jelly beans apart.

I've bought a few optically superior diffraction gratings from this eBay seller, and it's fun looking at lights through them and shining lasers through them and so on. The ones in the kiddy-specs are uncalibrated (measure the spacing yourself!) and a bit cloudier, but they're also big enough to cover both eyes, and they get the job done well enough.

Halogen lamp diffraction

"The job", defined.

The light in the above picture is a normal halogen downlight, so its diffraction spectrum is a smooth rainbow, like sunlight or a candle flame. Lights with a lower colour rendering index have different spectra, and diffraction glasses make that easy to see.

Big CFL diffraction

This is my giant compact fluorescent, which is alleged to have an eighty-plus CRI (where 100 is perfection), but which doesn't look that great to me. There's a smear of blue, probably indicating at least a bit of output colour range from the blue phosphor - perhaps a darker and a lighter blue on top of each other. But then there's quite distinct sub-images of the lamp in green and red, suggesting that it's got quite narrow output in those ranges.

But it sure is bright, as low-CRI lights tend to be; the classic "triphosphor" fluorescent lamp is still popular, because it's cheap and very high efficiency. It makes everybody look like corpses, but that's just the price you pay.

(I probably would have got a better shot of the big CFL from further away. It's so large that its sub-images overlap a lot at this distance.)

Compact fluorescent diffraction

A normal modern "warm white" compact fluorescent lamp (CFL), flanked by a half-burned-out LED lamp of no particular distinction.

You can see quite distinct violet, blue, green, orange and red diffraction images, each of which ought to correspond to a phosphor flavour. Generally speaking, the more phosphor colours, the better the CRI.

Compact fluorescent diffraction

Some good images from that lamp in close-up.

Compact fluorescent diffraction

A different CFL. I count four bright phosphors, plus two or three dimmer ones filling out the spectrum.

Compact fluorescent diffraction

Yet another CFL. Maybe only four phosphor colours in this one.

LED lamp diffraction

And, finally, another of those LED lamps, which really aren't a very interesting product - the only reason to use LED lamps for general lighting so far is if you want something that'll last 25 years, and these cheap Chinese lamps can't be counted on to last 25 days.

It's a nice spectrum, though. This is a normal "cool white" shade of white LED, created by putting a mixed phosphor layer over a naturally blue LED die. The result has quite good colour rendering.

I took all of these pictures with the little C6, by the way. It's got a physically small lens, which makes it good for taking pictures through other things, like these glasses, or telescopes, or whatever.

And the tyres never wear out, and it sharpens razor blades too!

After I said rude things about an incoherently promoted automotive gadget in this letters column (as usual, it promised to give you better fuel economy, more power, and anything else they could fit on the page), one of the people who worked there sent me an e-mail.

He was, thankfully, not threatening to sue me (unlike some people mentioned in that same column...), but he did say that it was their policy to only charge customers who agree that they "feel the difference".

He asked me if I'd ever heard of a scammer who offered this level of service. He has not replied to me since I told him "yes, just about all of them".

Money-back guarantees are, actually, absolutely standard in this field. I'm sure some of those guarantees are fake, but they seldom need to be. People who're willing to buy a quantum dimensional vortex optimiser for their car's fuel line are also people who're likely to "feel the difference" from it, even when there isn't any actual difference to feel.

I often link to Tony Cains' excellent Guide to Fuel Saving when I'm talking about these kinds of gadgets (and fuel additives), because he's pretty much got the whole field covered. His page about the dangers of testimonial evidence is particularly relevant, to both this specific issue and the general subject of bogus products in which people believe.

Further FZATing

I think the most mysterious phenomenon it's possible to create in a domestic microwave oven is the (deservedly famous) Glowing Humming Plasma Amoeba.

It's not hard to do. Put something smouldering, like a lit-and-blown-out toothpick, under a disposable glass or jar inside the microwave. Turn on.

Enjoy.

(Plain old flames are meant to work, too, but I haven't had any luck.)

Borosilicate glass may survive the resultant sudden temperature increase; other glass probably won't.

It may have excellent comic timing, though.

[UPDATE: That video's not accessible via Google Video any more, and I can't find it on YouTube.]

(There are plenty more http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=microwave+plasma">where these came from.)